Role: Codebase Knight
Ability: Reads code and minds perfectly
Superpower: Codes in sleep
Weakness: Caffeine dependency
Tools: Node.js, PostgreSQL, Debugger Blade

Role: Frontend Wizard
Ability: Survives daily battles with layout demons
Superpower: Makes UX Witch lose her design mind
Weakness: “Can we just…” words
Tools: React, Tailwind, CSS Exorcism Kit

Role: Design Alchemist
Ability: Understands Figma better than its creators
Superpower: Designs that make your pussy purr
Weakness: Enjoys making Frontend Developer suffer
Tools: Figma, Notion, Photoshop

Role: Server Lord
Abilities: Automates the unautomatable
Superpower: Implements changes without breaking the world... (this time)
Weakness: “It worked locally”
Tools: GitHub Actions, Terminal, CI/CD

Role: Chaos Coordinator
Ability: Translates “ASAP” into actual timelines
Superpower: Decodes “We don’t know yet, but…“
Weakness: Believes in the perfect brief
Tools: Jira, Trello, Holy Sheet

Role: Guardian of Quality
Abilities: Checks bugs on 10 devices at the same time
Superpower: Finds bugs your eyes can’t see
Weakness: Hates users who find bugs before her - if that’s you, just run, you and your family are in danger
Tools: Cypress, Postman, Playwright, First Finder User Detector 3000

Role: Message Crafter
Abilities: Writes copy that converts
Superpower: Strikes with words like lightning, always silently
Weakness: Movies with Uma Thurman, especially “Kill Bill”
Tools: Google Docs, Grammarly, Master Yoda’s Quote Book

Role: Sprint Flame Keeper
Ability: Turns retros into a group meditation with charts
Superpower: Summons focus from chaos
Weakness: Burns everything and everyone nearby if the stand-up lasts more than 15 minutes
Tools: Jira, Sprint Burndown Charts, Ritual Bell

Role: Master of Coin
Ability: Smells profit from afar like a wild boar sniffs truffles
Superpower: Replaces bonuses with a framed diploma bearing his own signature - and sees tears of gratitude
Weakness: The word "discount" - physically painful
Tools: The Book of Generosity and Equality, coffee for $10 (for himself), coffee for $1 (for the staff)